...despite just having a weekend, I'm still knackered. What is it about getting up in the morning on a work day? I could have fallen asleep on Evelet's shoulder on the tube this morning. And now I'm here, in the office, I can't be bothered to do any work at all...add to that my boss is on holiday and left a load more extra stuff for me to cover in his absence. He is SUCH a slippery bugger. I'm CERTAIN he didn't forget about these things - he just thought it would be easier to give me a couple of jobs then drop the rest via email, so I can't protest....or so he thinks.
I'm going to have my lunch, go to JLewis with David, pay Evelet's cheque in at the bank, then go home. I am buggered if I'm gonna be working full days this week considering that, thanks to my wanky boss, I'm gonna have to be working like an idiot next week.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I expect him to do me favours? Considering I'm pregnant and everything? I can't figure it out. I don't WANT special treatment, I don't WANT to not pull my weight. I'm quite happy to get on with my job, no help. It's all the extra stuff that I'm finding it hard to cope with. Well, not just cope with, I'm sure I'll do the work fine. It's just extra - work and stress. I'm finding it hard not to get angry when I think about the fact that I'm pregnant, that he tells me I need to take it easy, that he asks how I am and I tell him "tired", that there are 2 other people in this team that he could have spread the work between...the buck doesn't HAVE to end with me...he's probably not doing it on purpose, it probably never even occurred to him but... I'm feeling undersupported at a time when I do actually need to be just left to get on with my own work. I am 100% fit for the job, MY job and the only solution I can see is to go on Mat leave earlier than planned. But then, I don't see why I should when I am capable and able and fit to fulfill my contracted hours, contracted role.
All I ever seem to do is moan about work these days. Maybe because that's where I always am when I update. Maybe.
Anyhoo, had a nice weekend. Friday - had dinner with some TTC lesbians. Went well, they're a really nice couple, hilarious and I think a lot like us; been together a while, professional, etc... Saturday - weird weather but nice. All sunny but with rain on and off. Warm rain. We took the bus to Greenwich and had a civilised lunch in Cafe Rouge then a walk around the market. B came round on Saturday night, it was her 30th. She's all depressed, cancelled her bday dinner in St Albans and came to us instead. We bought microwave curry, crisps and icecream from Sainsbury's and watched Eurovision. Food was great, the competition was rubbish. All the songs have gone eatern flavourtastic and all the voting was crap. Sunday - spent the morning having breakfast, chatting and watching music videos, then we took B back to St A. We got back to Londres about 7.30, drove around for a bit looking for a chippie, then got cod and chips twice to take home which we ate in front of the telly. Lovely.
I can't wait for this baby to be born. I'm starting to get very excited now. It feels like we've waited so long for this to come - I still can't believe it's real sometimes. I am looking forward to NCT classes, still doing my yoga, and we're planning on going to the active birth class in June. I'm really looking forward to the labour, to starting it, to living through it, to experiencing it, but most of all, to meeting our child. This child who is beating me severely from the inside out. Who won't let me forget s/he's there. I just can't imagine what it will be like for it to exist and another person, outside my belly. I feel so lucky and so in love and so lucky. Sometimes it feels like someone cannot be this lucky, I'm still very needy and at times convinced it's all going to go wrong. I'm having horrid, vivid dreams. Last night I dreamt we lost the baby, in graphic detail. Then I dreamt I was driving round New York looking for Evelet and every time I was going in the right direction, something came in my path. Like a cliff one time, then there was this sea and there was noone around and no ferry to take me across. I know they're just anxiety dreams but I end up waking up all sad and panicked and it takes a while to snap around. And of course, each time I wake I need a wee so I'm thinking about the dream longer than I would if I just turned over and went back to sleep - because I have to get out of bed, put the light on, walk to the bathroom etc...
Have forgotten my watch and ring today. My hands feel all naked...